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A Bit About . . . John Cooper-Clarke
conrad astley2/ 6/2006
The first thing I do when I wake up
is
...
Look out of the window to see what the weather's
like.
Ideally I would spend every day...
Engaged in some idle activity that's both fun and profitable.
If money was no object I would...
Spend spend
spend.
The greatest gift I have ever received
was...
My first bike - it wasn't very good but it got
me mobile.
My one piece of advice would be...
Keep away from my car!
My first job was...
A bookie's runner in Salford, back in the days of illegal
back-street betting.
I'm scared of...
Kryptonite. I don't know the meaning of the word fear - I'm not
brave, I'm just illiterate.
I'm excited by...
Cake shops.
If I could go back in time and do one thing again it would
be...
Everything. But without the mistakes.
I love...
Old movies, particularly westerns, gangster films and screwball
comedies.
I hate
...
Wednesdays are a bit of a drag, they're neither one thing nor the
other.
You have to read...
Any biography by Albert Goldman.
You have to listen to...
Your mum.
You must watch...
The Simpsons.
If I could be anyone else I would be...
Bill Gates, after plastic surgery to make him look like
Elvis.
My ultimate ambition would be...
Immortality, but with the option of hitting the snooze button when
things get out of hand.
My biggest inspiration has been...
Batman, because he was an ordinary bloke who became a superhero and
even though he was a millionaire he was still an orphan. So he was
a well-rounded character.
The first time I fell in love...
Was the last time I fell in love.
I think God is...
The guv'nor.
I think the death penalty is...
One always likes to adhere to the traditionally democratic, liberal
values of the UK. But there's a few I wouldn't mind getting out of
the way.
My epitaph would be...
That's all folks.
Fur or faux?
Faux, but I do have an old
Russian hat I got from the Army And Navy Stores. They did make faux
ones for the lower ranks, but they're more difficult to get hold
of.
Mayonnaise or salad cream?
Salad cream.
EastEnders or Coronation Street?
Neither. The
last soap I really got into was Dallas.
Daily Mail or Guardian?
There has to be a
middle ground, but there's more laughs in the Mail.
Harry or William?
Couldn't give a
monkey's.
United or City?
United.
Chav or scally?
If I was a scally I'd prefer
to be called a chav. It sounds cooler and not criminal. It would
sound French if you put a "le" in front of it, and gives it a bit
of class it doesn't really deserve.
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