Magazine


Soapbox: They're all fighting in soapland

Rachel Broady
25/11/2005

CORONATION STREET It's proper fisticuffs! Nathan decks Ashley for insulting Tracy - leaving his retina three streets away from his eye - and then Fiz knocks Molly on her bum in the Rovers. Well done, now tape up her gob!

It's touch and go with Ashley's sight, mind (no jokes about no longer having to look at Claire, please) and the butcher's son doesn't suit a patch. Maybe a balaclava now the weather's turned?

Meanwhile, Frankie deals a bit of blow to Danny when she demands a divorce. Has she been having tea and cake with Sunita the Dev-beater?

Then Frankie decides to give her wayward `usband anuvver chaaance - just as he hops into bed with Leanne. That man's timing is about as realistic as Mike's forgetfulness.

Where was I? Oh yes, thankfully there is harmony in the Battersby household. It seems Cilla could soon legitimately be a Battersby-Brown. That is, if they can make it to the ceremony during her lunchbreak from the chippy. Will she get out of her overalls?

And Fred and Diggory have dates for the Weatherfield Traders' Ball. Diggory pays Liz but could there be romance between Fred and Bev?

Oh and Jamie is still looking aaafter his muvver. He tries to persuade her to attend an alcohol counselling session.

I wish they'd just write Carol out. She's so miserable she makes me think I'm watching Eastenders.

EMMERDALE Ivan bats for both teams. He's half rice, half chips. He sits on both sides of the bus. Yes, Ivan would kiss Paul and Nicola. Not literally, of course...would you kiss Nicola? I'm saying Ivan is bisexual.

Louise, meanwhile, thinks Martin wants too much to soon (because she's so restrained), Dawn decides to go for it with Danny (because she's so restrained) and Tom snogs Sadie (because he should be restrained).

Jimmy witnesses the romantic moment (shudder!) and Matthew is equally angry. That woman will do owt for King and country, won't she?

Ashley isn't so loyal. He's furious that his dad is staying at Betty's. I'd watch her now Seth's passed on!

EASTENDERS Alfie tries to make Nan's final wish come true. Tea with the Queen. And he doesn't intend to bring Colin back! No, he wants a proper Cockernee knees-up with HRH Madge. Purlease!


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