Magazine


Soapbox: What Katy did and did and did . . .

by Chris Osuh
14/ 4/2005

CORONATION STREET Silly Katy finally croaks. Since arriving in Weatherfield, Katy has managed to get her family off witness protection, get her dad stabbed, before running away with an old man, getting pregnant with his baby on a whim, getting rid of the baby on a whim, before killing her dad, seeing her mother locked up for a crime she didn't commit, then ruining my tea by killing herself in a horrible way with that grotesquely camp video playing in the background.

Viewers are supposed to believe that Tracey is the bad one, and Candice is the stupid one, but it seems to Metro News that Katy combined both defects in one, whiny, trembling package. If anyone deserves a flatpack coffin it's Katy. On t'other side t' street, Tracey wakes up in Steve's arms.

EASTENDERS WHAT with Johnny Allen being more deadbeat dad than bona fide hardman, and with Dirty Den's connection terminated, Phil Mitchell is drafted in this week to rough some people up.

Much as Phil's stubbly red face, wheezing tones and quick temper make for easy entertainment, I've never quite understood why he's so "respected".

After all, the Mitchells, that famous East End crime dynasty, consists of dizzy blonde Sam and Billy, who looks like a curious cross between a rodent and a "bobbysoxer" era Frank Sinatra.

Anyway, this week, Phil calls in on Billy, Pat and Pauline, stopping on the way to shove Ian Beale's head down the toilet.

EMMERDALE Paddy's not fussy, is he? Since arriving in Emmerdale, a village with a fair number of stunners, the portly vet has dedicated himself to the kind of conquests you wouldn't want to brag about over a pint of Ephraim Monk.

First it was large, loud, Moo Moo Mandy, followed by quiet, thin oddbod Emily.

He's recently completed his triumvirate of beauties with Viv, a woman who thinks it's 1985.

This week, as Emily spends her non-knitting time with Paul, the Mediterranean mannequin, Paddy finds himself increasingly unable to resist temptation.

Elsewhere Bob Hope and Diane's "younger" sister Val wind up in bed. And on yonder side o' th' dale, Scott Windsor - not content with being smug, fake-tanned, annoying and incestuous - cons an old lady out of her car.


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